Choose Curiosity Over Control

We crave predictability. Because in that predictability we feel a sense of security. We perceive that the predictability provides a controlled environment, and thus, makes it unlikely that we’ll experience angst, friction, tension, or harm.

And while it’s understandable that we like the feeling of being safe, the truth is, no matter how much control we think we have, there’s very few things that we actually have control of in life.

Yet, it’s not uncommon for people to become obsessive about control. Whether it’s control over projects, people, individual habits, or otherwise, this persistent obsession can have unintended negative consequences.

It can initiate a sustained feeling of unease, and never being settled. It can deteriorate relationships. It can cause bodily tension and limit creativity. The list goes on.

Which is why the challenge this week is to be mindful of when you’re consciously seeking control, and choose, when appropriate, to embrace curiosity instead.

The challenge: choose curiosity over control!

Most of the time when we’re seeking control, it’s due largely in part to our ego. Think about it.

You want to control how your team responds to a customer inquiry.
You are adamant that you and your spouse re-paint the walls in your home beige instead of white.
You want to be in charge of booking the travel plans for your upcoming trip with friends.
You tell your kids what sports they should play in spite of them telling you they’d rather not.

Of course, there are many moments in life where we may need to insert, with conviction, what we perceive to be right. And if we have the expertise and experience to lead through certain situations, it’s not lost on me, that at times we have to persist and be adamant to ensure we do what is best for the greater good. Control is not always a bad thing.

But when that control is fear based and directly aligned with our ego, it can in fact be problematic. We may fear that someone else will get it wrong. Fear that we’ll feel discomfort. Fear that we won’t be seen or appreciated. Fear that it won’t go the way we imagined. So, we revert to that (seemingly) predictable place by taking control. This, though, actually causes us to be out of control internally. Feeling unease and anxiety.

Curiosity, on the other hand, doesn’t come from fear; it comes from wonder. It invites questions like:

What might happen if I let go?
What could they bring to the table that I haven’t thought of?
What am I missing right now?
What would this look like if I didn’t need to control it?

These types of questions don’t just expand possibilities, they create space for better communication, deeper understanding, and even stronger outcomes.

This week, when you catch yourself trying to control a conversation, an outcome, or even a narrative in your own mind, promise yourself that you’ll pause and simply ask yourself:

What would curiosity offer me right now that control can’t?

You may be surprised by what you find, and by how free you feel when you loosen your grip.

Have a great week choosing curiosity over control!