Find Calm

Have you ever misplaced something that is so meaningful to you?

Perhaps a social security card. Your keys. A phone. Your wallet. A license.

Whatever the item is, it’s likely you were willing to search unrelentingly to find it. Retracing all your steps, asking friends, family, and/or strangers alike if they noticed the last time you had it; trying to identify where you left it.

It’s understandable that we’d exert so much time and energy to finding the things that mean the most to us. But what’s unfortunate, is when we’re missing things that are less tangible (e.g., a sense of calm) we don’t exert the same energy, nor display the same attention and care to try to find it.

And while “finding calm” is noticeably more complex, and perhaps more difficult than finding a physical item, it’s just as, if not more, important. Because when we’re lacking calm, we are often operating from chaos. And when we’re in chaos, we’re more inclined to be reactive, we shrink our thinking, we’re more easily agitated, and overall, we are less effective.

Considering such, the challenge this week very simply is to find a place of calm.

The challenge: find calm!

Finding a place of calm may come from a physical location or a mental simulation. It may be going to visit the ocean, going for a walk in a park, or simply meditating in your car.

Where you find calm doesn’t matter. That will vary by person. But what does matter is that you search for it. What matters is that you treat your inner calm just as importantly as your misplaced items. Don’t stop searching until you find it!

As you work to complete this challenge, you may consider asking:

Where do I typically tend to feel most at peace?
What are the activities that make me feel most at ease?
What would people closest to me say that makes me appear most happy?

The first two questions are straightforward. What comes to mind is what you know will bring you calm. But the third question listed here can give us insights that we may not be attuned to. Often time, our family, friends, co-workers, and those closest to us see so many versions of us that they are equipped to provide meaningful insights.

If you have a difficult time answering the question on your own, it may be useful to simply ask those around you: “when do I appear most happy?”

You may find that they tell you that you seem happiest while you’re working on your home, while you’re driving your kids to school, or when you’re watching a movie.

If you appear happiest to them in these environments, it’s highly likely that you have an internal calm in these environments. Thus, you should work to place yourself in more of the environments that you’re happiest, more often.

Stress is inevitable in life. But calm can be too. If you find yourself in stressful moments this week, although you may not be able to change your physical environment in the moment, you can change your mental environment. You can find calm in chaos through your self talk, by choosing to intentionally slow down, removing distractions around you, or counting (5-4-3-2-1) in your mind.

In the book, “Attending: Medicine, Mindfulness, & Humanity” Dr. Ronald Epstein mentioned that prior to entering the room of any of his patients, the doorknob would be his place of calm. By bringing his attention to the rigidness of the doorknob and feeling its cold temperature on his hand, it was a simple symbolic reminder to him to “be present.” It was a 5-10 second centering technique that would allow him to leave the stressors of the last interaction behind, so he could give his all to the patient forthcoming.

This is just one example of how we could bring ourselves to calm in chaos. It doesn’t require anything fancy, just attention and intention.

You owe it to yourself to be calm and find calm more often. Because the calmer you are, the happier you’ll be.

Have a great week finding calm!